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An active sexual life often requires a conscious and thoughtful decision about contraception, and the most common method across Europe, North and South America is the pill. That little oral contraceptive that liberated women’s sexual life. Does it still stand for that today?

There’s no arguing that hormones, and the balanced secretion of these, have an enormous importance in what comes to regulate physiological activities and behaviours, such as digestion, sleep, respiration, growth, stress and mood, just to name a few. So hormones can be responsible for really important survival things, but also for other aspects of your life, on a very relevant emotional level: your fear responses (andropause in men will cause decreased production of testosterone which causes changes in behaviour and mood, such as taking less risks, feeling more fearful), how you see yourself and how you respond to others (increased irritability and sensitivity, and depressiveness in certain stages of women’s cycle; variations in sexual drive/libido, self-esteem).

The pill is an oral contraceptive that presents a combination of estrogen and progestogen (both hormones) that trick the body into thinking that it’s pregnant. Its common side effects include blood circulation problems, increased breast cancer risk, reduction in libido and vaginal lubrification, depression, nausea… Well, let’s think about it: pregnant women are usually not jumping around happily, their bodies are going through major changes. A caricature of a woman on the pill can be a fake pregnant lady, crying her eyes out, with no sexual desire, and feeling as pretty as a rag. But more seriously, though, by taking the pill and tricking the body, it makes sense that there are more consequences than not getting pregnant.

Some women with tendency for depression (by the way, one of the most common mental health disorders) will stay, by taking the pill, in a lukewarm soup of blameful thoughts, low self-esteem, difficulty experiencing pleasure, depressiveness in general) – but it will creep in gradually, they get used to feeling this way, and don’t even associate it to the pill.

Who really takes the time to explain this to young women when they are looking for safe contraceptives? And what doctors ever really consider side effects of medication?

So if we put it all together we have the importance of hormone regulation, with female cycles that can already be demanding for emotional stability, plus a magical pill that will influence this delicate balance.

Why, then, would women deliberately mess with all of this, and risk their physical and psychological well being?

Where does this responsibility for avoiding pregnancy come from? It is the female body that becomes pregnant, but it usually does not happen on it’s own. There’s a male part to it.

Like in other issues that concern sexuality and responsibility of women, be it victim blaming in sexual assault, or avoiding pregnancy during the zika virus outbreak, there is a 3 letter word missing from the picture, as Paula Young Lee well noted in her article: ‘The cultural reflex to hold women accountable for male lust and subsequent reproduction is so ingrained that we don’t even notice the asymmetry’.

Why don’t we hear more about the male pill? Or other means of contraception?

Women have become accustomed to having to take responsibility, and to the side effects of this decision.

The pill was indeed part of the sexual revolution (and in some places it’s still a revolution waiting to happen). But times and minds change, and it no longer makes sense to put the anti-conceptional burden solely on women.

So maybe in every day life and sex, this responsibility can be shared, in order to promote healthy minds, bodies, and sexual lives, equality and fairness.

All good things.


Hard, actually…

But let’s start from the beginning. Each of us started to be part of the facebook world at our own pace. Some of us soon had hundreds of friends, some not so much.

What we decide to post also varies a lot; you can talk openly about a family member being sick, a difficult period you’re going through, or mainly share articles of interest, music that you really like.

It keeps you connected somehow. A connection to a broad imaginary audience (well, you’re just never really sure of how many of your friends actually look at what you post), that reacts with extremely expressive little yellow faces, with likes and dislikes, and with words. A lot of people have a cheer-leading way of reacting on facebook: you can do it, wonderful, you look soooo beautiful! And everyday, several times a day, we browse, we peek, we read, we like, get surprised, smile at the site of cats surprisingly fitting into small boxes (how could we not?).

It becomes a habit. It can become addictive. Well, maybe for most people it actually is. Because it never stops, it’s always there, with new things, pictures, events, notifications, oh somebody’s thinking of you, they liked what you did, shared, commented. It constantly requires your attention and calls you. But it also gives you an opportunity to explore certain characteristics of yours, sides of you, while leaving unwanted things out of focus.

Simultaneously, a lot of people are not that happy with facebook (interestingly enough, there were more articles on this in 2012 or 2013; what might have changed we can wonder). They don’t like the company’s policies, namely concerning privacy, they don’t see easy ways to solve their problems (technical support can be terrible, specially for deleting the account, for example), and a lot has been written about its’ CEO that can make you wonder about his philanthropy…

The most important question is, though, what is it doing to the way we interact with each other, with the people we know well and not so well. Fast comments and easy judgements, what can we make of that?

And what about the constant spotlight on you, what you think, what you stand by, and how you look? What does that say about ourselves? Does it make things better for us, or not really, and it ends up feeding a narcissistic and voyeuristic need in us all, so we’re just there feeding a system that feeds on us?

Well, then might come the hard part if we decide we don’t want to be part of it any longer: deleting it. You see all those pictures, all those moments, all that interaction, everyone right there just a click away. They all stay, but you go. And facebook keeps asking, are you really sure, you can come back you know, just deactivate, don’t leave.

Yes, it can be quite challenging to delete a facebook account.

And quite liberating.

©2024 by Lisbon Psychology

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